Category: Confessions of an Idiot Pastor

Worst Christmas Timing Ever

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot Pastor1 Comment

front coverAfter Black Friday,

After the shoppers went home and the gifts were hid,

After the money was wasted, and the hot cocoa drunk,

After the parents went to bed, relieved with yet another year of Christmas shopping behind them,

Bizarre Bible Stories 2! left the printers for the bookstores.

It’s just… me, I think.

So now I pray parents shop late this year and buy books by their covers. What dad doesn’t want to buy a ninja coming out of a toilet book for his kids?

And warriors with their butts showing is a cool back cover.

You can order them online – amazon or whoever – but if you want a signed one you will have to contact the artist directly. I only wrote the inside.

What You Want for Christmas is Already on Your Cellphone

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot Pastor1 Comment

Your cellphone tells you what you value most. My new shotgun Christmas lights got me thinking of a few of my favorite things – things I had taken pictures of on my cellphone – things I could use more of this Christmas. Leaving people out, what is on your phone?

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#1 Birthdays: I’m not suppose to eat Boston Cream Pie anymore – but I can get away with it on my birthday. My wife JoLynn makes it from scratch, something she thought my mother did when we were first married. She misunderstood. Or i lied. Mom made it from a box. This stuff is to die for. I just may.

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#2 Roadrunners: This one came by as I was working on the truck. I’ve not idea why I like them and hate cats. But I do. I’d NEVER take a picture of a cat. Alive.

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#? Spitfires: I’m lying. Fun as they are, you need a spare garage for the 10 months a year you’ll be working on it. I got this ’64 to flip. Wanna buy it? 5k and it’s all yours. It is beautiful, and it runs. . . today. Get it for Christmas!!

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#3 Hot Air Balloons: More of them landing outside my backyard. We’ve had a few of those – lots around right now due to the Balloon Fiesta. I’d like about one a month landing outside our backyard, and I’d like to ride in one to get it off my bucket list, and I’d like to have no extra ABQ traffic during the fiesta. Just bring the balloons for us, no tourists please.

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#4 Compassion Kids: This is one of our Compassion kids, Bregard, with my daughter Megan in Haiti, in the house we helped purchase.

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#5 Micah’s Miata Back: We took that transmission out twice, then it got totaled a month later. I think it’s in heaven. I wonder if you get good cornering traction on those streets?

That’s it. 2 cars and no people pictures allowed. Truth is, four kids will do me. Do me in maybe? And one wife, although the best part of my life down here, is plenty.  Solomon was an idiot. Or a wise man who had a hard time saying no.

These were just pictures from my cellphone – except the balloon one as the phone one was lousy. Yes, it’s shallow. Still, does your cell phone reveal what silly things you would like to see more of this Christmas?

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Don’t Forget – Bizarre Bible Stories 2! hits the store shelves the end of the month. Stay tuned to CNN or FOX News for further developments. . . if I get sued. Otherwise just check back in here, your local bookstore, or Amazon

3 Early Christmas Questions

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot PastorLeave a comment

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I’m sneaking Christmas Carols like a teenager does smokes.  It’s part JoLynn’s fault. She bought me shotgun shell Christmas lights for my birthday. What a wife.

Playing the carols bring up some interesting questions…

1. Why would God leave gold streets, awesome power, and an angelic army and go… here? Dirt streets, baby power and Roman soldiers laughing at crucifixions seems like a lousy location for a vacation from heaven. Which begs the question…
2. Where do you go when you want a vacation from heaven? And if you left heaven as God for earth…
3. Why not blast some bad guys on your entrance? Instead of appearing to shepherds, why not land on the head of some unsuspecting Pharisee?

In so many ways, Jesus was one bizarre baby. Maybe the most bizarre fact is that He would come at all.

I got tired of trying to motivate myself to write about Bible Zombies. It’s hard to write about zombies while playing Christmas Carols.

So I’m starting a collection of Bizarre Christmas Stories. Shoot any suggestions my way. And don’t forget to save the shells.

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BTW – Bizarre Bible Stories 2! hits the shelves in two weeks. Stay tuned to CNN or FOX News for further developments. . . if I get sued. Otherwise just check back in here, your local bookstore, or Amazon.

So Many Christians. So Few Lions.

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot PastorLeave a comment

Reunion-001We had a Cooley family reunion at our place last week. My brother and two of my sisters, with their spouses were here early enough to make a run up the Jemez Mountains. We are missionary kids. Pastors kids. We married believers. We don’t like lions.

We stopped in Jemez Springs for coffee and a snack. We were eating outside when a gal was having trying to start her car. You could hear the starter solenoid clicking – it was going nowhere.

My brother Dave and I went over to give her car a jump. As we were hooking things up, I couldn’t help but notice her shirt. Emblazoned in bright letters on a black T-shirt were the words. . .

“So many right-wing Christians. So few lions.”

Once we got her car running I said, “I couldn’t help but notice your shirt. It’s my kind of surprise humor. But you need to know – we came to help you because we’re all Christians.”

She looked a bit embarrassed, saying “Oh, my friend gave me this shirt. I forgot I had it on, I was just looking for a black one this morning.” Then she rambled on a bit, and we got into a short but great conversation. Doing good really does break down the barriers.

Her name is Amy, and she went to Westmont College – an evangelical school in Santa Barbara. We discussed the change in her journey and beliefs, and I was able to leave her with a Cottonwood Church pen with our website on the side. I wish I’d have thought to pray with her, I’m sure she would have been good with that.

So, if you can spare a minute, please pray for Amy. A bad battery in Jemez Springs when the only help around was 8 lion-hating Christians can’t be a coincidence.

UTube The (Insane) Love of God

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot Pastor, Missions1 Comment

For those not on Facebook, here is the link for the Haitian ladies singing The Love of God in Creole. My dad used to sing The Love of God beautifully – he sang it at Megan’s Child Dedication. Anyhow the Haitian ladies we work with sing it at morning devotions and it brought back good memories. For the insane reference, read the lyrics through to the end.IMG_0177-002

Lyrics – in English!

  1. The love of God is greater far
    Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
    It goes beyond the highest star,
    And reaches to the lowest hell;
    The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
    God gave His Son to win;
    His erring child He reconciled,
    And pardoned from his sin.

    • Refrain:
      Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
      How measureless and strong!
      It shall forevermore endure—
      The saints’ and angels’ song.
  2. When hoary time shall pass away,
    And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
    When men who here refuse to pray,
    On rocks and hills and mountains call,
    God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
    All measureless and strong;
    Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
    The saints’ and angels’ song.
  3. Could we with ink the ocean fill,
    And were the skies of parchment made,
    Were every stalk on earth a quill,
    And every man a scribe by trade;
    To write the love of God above
    Would drain the ocean dry;
    Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
    Though stretched from sky to sky.

Verse 3 was penciled on the wall of a narrow room in an American insane asylum by a man said to have been demented. The lines were discovered when they laid him in his coffin.

One Small House

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot Pastor, Missions1 Comment
20140701_112403Megan and I were able to visit one of our Compassion International kids yesterday. We went to the office first where we met Bergard, our sponsored child, and his dad. I had met them once -before the earthquake. Their house collapsed, but they were not home at the time. They were in a tent for a long time, but now have a house.
Anyway, we got the Compassion talk, met the director and office staff, and took off to go see the rest of Bregard’s family and new house. It was LONG drive, we had to go by citi soli, which is pretty sketchy. He now lives real close to the house we built a few years ago. His house is the long one with the red tin in the center most of the way up the hill. It is large enough for two rooms. U walk into a room with a dining table, chairs stored underneath so there is room to walk around it. Behind it is the bedroom. Made from rough machete cut 2x4s and tin.
I have a good friend here named James, who I’ve been able to work on cars with and give lots of clothes to, as he also has that skinny tall physique. Anyhow you can pray for him. His brother died the other day, the funeral is tomorrow. A gang held the body for ransom. WE drove by the spot his body was at, under tarps on the side of the road, on the way to Brigard’s house.
Jon and I replaced a generator/city power 2 house switch this morning – with the city power running. They have no cut-off switches here. Even if it had been Winnipeg cold I think I’d have been sweating.
Thanks for your prayers,
Dan
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Cooleys in Haiti

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot Pastor, MissionsLeave a comment

ImageToday is the first day of English Camp. We have 13 here from Cottonwood. Today is the first day of English Camp. It is going super smooth. We have 13 here from Cottonwood, but with all the interpreters, summer staff and support help we have almost 40 workers for the 400 kids who were signed up. Most of our workers are working with the kids- teaching English or Bible or doing Sports, that kind of thing. Kids are divided up between boys and girls and then go through different stations. Megan is working in the Kitchen, Caleb is teaching Bible, Jon is doing repairs somewhere, and I’m writing you.

English Camp is kind of like a Vacation Bible School, but with an emphasis on learning English. . .  and twice as long. . . and with interpreters. . . and all outside. . . without AC. . . and with two meals a day.

I guess it’s really not like VBS at all.

It sure is cool to watch your kids serve this way. The kitchen is a brutal place to work. It’s a normal sized kitchen, supper hot and crowded in there, with 400 breakfasts and lunches to prepare. They do seem to have a lot of fun working together, and the new sink should be a help. Caleb has a great interpreter, they should have a lot of fun working together.

Megan just walked by and asked, “Are you still doing nothing?” So, let me say that working in the kitchen is really easy. There is food whenever you want it, drinking water close by, no kids screaming at you, what a life.

Dan

Anger an Extremist – And 5 Other Reasons to Follow My Blog

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot PastorLeave a comment

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1: To Anger a Turkish Muslim Extremist. Last year someone twice broke into the back-end of my website, crashed it, and made it point to a Turkish Muslim Extremist Recruiting Site. A couple months ago when I tried to start a Bible Zombie blog on the website, another group attacked. Zombie recruiters? Maybe the first group was actually anti-Christian zombie skinheads masquerading as Muslims.

Anyhow, seeing as my website is about as secure as Christmas gift left overnight in a convertible in Chicago, I started all over on WordPress. The good news is you can follow it, post on it, and say bad things about Skinhead Turkish Muslim Zombie Extremists without crashing the site.

Continue reading “Anger an Extremist – And 5 Other Reasons to Follow My Blog” →

Christianity Works

On By Daniel CooleyIn Confessions of an Idiot PastorLeave a comment

parentsFunerals aren’t fun. Especially when they are for your mom. I was asked to share for a few minutes – but only got about half of it out. Here is what I wanted to say…

Continue reading “Christianity Works” →