Those last few hours of Kristina’s life–I have images that are engraved in my mind. They shred my heart. Even hard to write about.

Her body was shutting down. We had to bathe her, clean the bed, and redress her and the bed. We did all this without moving her off the bed. I don’t know how we did it.

Those images.

Four hours later, I felt with my right hand her last heartbeat. Her final breath.

I had these images in my mind that troubled me greatly. I couldn’t process them, until I talked with my Dad.

And this is what I’m angry at…

Kristina didn’t commit a certain sin that caused her cancer. Neither did I or her Mom. Kristina got cancer because we live in this screwed up System of Evil. This System of Sin–the whole earth is cursed with it. (Romans 8:20)

It brings only death. (1 Corinthians 15:21)

This System of Sin murdered my daughter.

Sin kills. So here’s the clincher…

Why would I want to participate in something that murdered my daughter? This has caused me to hate my sin. I realize it wasn’t my sin that caused her cancer, but I don’t want to take part in something that produced the death of my loved one.

I don’t wanna hang out with what killed Kristina. I don’t wanna entertain it or be entertained by it. Don’t wanna be friends with it.

I’m furious at it, and yet it still lures me.

I HATE it, but at times I’m still tempted.

“What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” – Romans 7:24-25

Sin kills.

Jesus is life. Real life. Freedom from this System of Evil. Where peace abounds and grace overwhelms. (1 John 5:12)

I can walk in darkness (I have that potential.), but there’s nothing but misery.

I can walk in the light, and ‪#‎ThriveNotJustSurvive‬. (1 John 1:6-7)

P.S. I still have those images. Painful reminders. I’ll never forget.